A Learned Behavior

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I was drowning in morphine
It was getting darker and dusk was taking me away
I can’t control what I think,
Or control what I feel
But I can control what I say

And I’ve said nothing at all.

Sometimes the lies holds more morals than the truth
But I don’t want to lie to you
I just don’t want to tell everything,
Only the one’s you can chew

There’s just some things I refuse to feel
But I don’t need a savior
You call me desensitized
I say it’s just a ‘learned behavior’

But in the end, I do feel, and I wish I felt nothing at all

Maybe because I’m afraid of the fall,
I fell several times but nothing prepares you for the comedown
So why should I expect anything less now,
Only to see a letdown?

But they say there’s beauty in the fall,

My vision gets knocked, and my chest bruised
Right now, the only vision that remains  is the vision of you
If anything is beautiful at all, it’s all your fault
So I blame you

But I was told to tread lightly
Not everything that glitters is gold,
But if at times it is, and gold doesn’t rust
Are you finally that someone whom I can trust?

There’s no safety in that gamble.
No guides or precautions, no preamble.

But maybe I dont need to be safe
Cause maybe I don’t run on blood but adrenaline
And I don’t want to be held back or do nothing,
So I have to go all-in.

But will you light me afire if I was gasoline?

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While she’s out here chasing dreams
He’s chasing hearts, only to break them
While she makes up for her mistakes,
He makes more of his mayhem

While she makes history,
he makes a mess that they can’t clean
While she acts prim and proper,
He chose to act obscene

-The DementED

This is an impromptu-made short poem. Made as a response to the daily prompt: Embarrassing

You might also want to check out my previous poem (a longer one): The Joker’s Disease

Hopeless, Not Romantic

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Credits reserved to whoever owns this photo

At first I thought you are what I need
A beautiful creature whose mind I could read
Yet as time went by I realized my fault
And so I wanted my emotions to halt

If we paired up, we wouldn’t have connected,
You were insane, but I was more demented,
I’m a wildfire, you were a flame
We burnt differently though we seemed the same

I almost spilled my mind and guts
Cleaning them up would have been nuts!
I would’ve played a dangerous game
You don’t even know me, only my name

Another thing I failed to consider,
You needed a prince not a bottomfeeder
All signs say I’m not what you need
I’m just as broken, you were wise to take heed

Everyone knows you deserve paradise,
Not be part of my awful demise
I guess it was clear, I’m just a tragedy,
So why bother listen to my heart’s soliloquy

Now there’s a lot of things left to be said,
Perhaps I would, but they’re better off dead
I know for sure, you could have saved me
But now I’ll learn to be content with misery

-The DementED
Note: My poems does not necessarily reflect my current state or feelings.

What? I’m being defensive? Well, deal with it reader. haha

A Date with the Dead

I have always wondered
If I could talk to the dead
Should I talk to the famous
Or to you instead?

I know you’re still breathing
And you still have a pulse
But are you really living,
when it’s everyone you repulse

Oh but I forgot,
I’m dead inside too,
I’m always alone
the same way as you

But unlike you,
I haven’t lost hope,
I don’t constantly choke
my neck with a rope

I have scars on my heart
You have more on your wrist
I have my palms open
But you have a closed fist

You barely even eat
You take pills just to slumber
And a love for yourself
you can’t even foster

But you see,
I just want to aid
I wish I could stop
your use of the blade

But I cant understand
cause you wont let me in
You throw my concerns
straight down to the bin

No I’m not saying
I know better than you,
But all I want
is a table for two

You pour your heart out
And I’ll spill my guts
We’ll tell all our tales
No matter how nuts

But since you already said,
that you’d rather be dead,
I’ll just keep on waiting
with anxiety and dread.

– The DementED

You might also wanna see a related poem: A Maiden’s AfflictionHopeless, Not Romantic
Unconventional Love

First Dates and First Times

http://haikujam.com/embed/191319
Yesterday, I posted about an app called HaikuJAM which I discovered through App Store. I’ve been using the said app almost nonstop from then on and I’ve had the chance to work with several amazing poets. (There were a lot who got to my nerves as well, but let’s not dwell on that.)

So HaikuJAM has these gimmicks called “competitions” (it is what it is) in which they set a certain topic or title, and you have to create a haiku based on that said topic in order to compete. If you get picked to win, they give away certain prizes (they’re not that big, nevertheless still amazing). The good thing about this is you can have unlimited entries. So if you have a lot of ideas, just start a lot of JAMs and hope that the people who join you doesn’t have a potato for a brain. (Haha. I’m kidding here. No offense, potatoheads.)

Today, the competition was all about “First Dates” and “Someone New” which seemed to be related to or sponsored by Tinder, since they indicated that you can win some Tinder swag. I’m not a big fan of Tinder but I never back down from competitions, so I gave it a shot. (A lot of shots, to be honest. I started more than 10 JAMs about the said topics. Haha.)

Scared, she made her way

And she witnessed the most amazing sight

He brought a beautiful bouquet

On one of my tries, I had a chance to collaborate with two promising poets. Namely Shruti Singhal and Saadia Ibrahim Shaikh. I had to write the last line to conclude the haiku, so it was a lot of pressure for me as I saw that the first two lines were nothing short of well-done. Haikus don’t necessarily have to rhyme, but on this piece, it was just too tempting for me and It was almost as if it was just right there, waiting to be typed. So I wrote in my line and clicked “publish”.

To my shock, it was a good hit! We immediately garnered a double-digit amount of likes from other users, which was my first time since installing this app. Just a little bit later, we got featured on their frontpage. It was a small thing, but it was fulfilling. I’m not talking about the part where we got featured, but just having the chance to shed a piece of my brain was indeed worthwhile. It relieved my stress and anxieties for a while.

Go ahead and give HaikuJAM a try, yourself. 🙂