A Learned Behavior

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I was drowning in morphine
It was getting darker and dusk was taking me away
I can’t control what I think,
Or control what I feel
But I can control what I say

And I’ve said nothing at all.

Sometimes the lies holds more morals than the truth
But I don’t want to lie to you
I just don’t want to tell everything,
Only the one’s you can chew

There’s just some things I refuse to feel
But I don’t need a savior
You call me desensitized
I say it’s just a ‘learned behavior’

But in the end, I do feel, and I wish I felt nothing at all

Maybe because I’m afraid of the fall,
I fell several times but nothing prepares you for the comedown
So why should I expect anything less now,
Only to see a letdown?

But they say there’s beauty in the fall,

My vision gets knocked, and my chest bruised
Right now, the only vision that remains  is the vision of you
If anything is beautiful at all, it’s all your fault
So I blame you

But I was told to tread lightly
Not everything that glitters is gold,
But if at times it is, and gold doesn’t rust
Are you finally that someone whom I can trust?

There’s no safety in that gamble.
No guides or precautions, no preamble.

But maybe I dont need to be safe
Cause maybe I don’t run on blood but adrenaline
And I don’t want to be held back or do nothing,
So I have to go all-in.

But will you light me afire if I was gasoline?

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A Kid Again

 

 

Like a snap of a finger
My childhood gone the morning after
The dark clouds started to pour
And washed my heart’s grandeur

Before, I always play
Now, In my dark room I stay
Back then, we used to bond
Now, horrors of life to me has dawned

From the swaying of the swing
to answering every ring
From balancing in the seesaw
to condemning my every flaw

From running in the hills
to chugging down the pills
From enjoying the mountain breeze
to being down on my knees

From fearing the roar of thunder
to fearing one another
From playing under the sun
to hiding from everyone

From playing hide and seek
to having a busy week
From wanting all the candy
to having greed of money
If I could turn back time
I’d give away my every dime
It’s getting hard to take in
Just wanna be a kid again

-The Demented

 

This poem is a response to the daily prompt: 
Childhood

The Voices Inside My Head – Why I Write

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Credits to fashioniq.com

“I write because…..”

Before I finish that, I have just reached 350 visitors today (Yeyyy!) and therefore, I’d like to take this moment to thank everyone who viewed this blog and to my regular readers.  Now that I got that out, allow me to  say why I’m writing this post.

Most of us who write have reasons as to why we do so. Everytime I visit a blog and read an article, I appreciate its beauty and then I wonder “Why does he/she write?”. So for my readers who are probably asking the same question, this is for you. (or for those who have never read my work, maybe this will convince you to read my pieces.)

To those who have already read a few of my works here, you have probably observed that though not all, most of what I write are dark in nature. I’ve written pieces about death/suicide (A Date with the Dead), failure (Nine Lives), unrequited love (Hopeless, Not Romantic), daily stress and woes (The Breakfast Drama), vices and bad habits (Stories Behind Bad Habits), disdain towards someone (Full Moon Blues), dangers of “being yourself” (Dangerous Business) and even isolation and introvertion (Isolation Nation), etc.

And so, let me continue the first sentence I was about to write.

I write because there are voices in my head. No, I’m not literally demented, as what my username might suggest. The voices I’m referring to are the ideas swirling inside my mind. These voices dictate every word that I type, every sentence, every stanza, every rhyme.

These voices didn’t just exist out of nowhere. They were born after every crucial life event. After I grieved, after I had my heartbreaks, after I had my failures, but also after every lesson I’ve learned. Nevertheless, as explained in my first post (Step Inside My Mind), the things I write aren’t entirely about me. Therefore, the voices in my head aren’t all just mine. Some of them are from my friends, some of them from my family members, some of them from people online just like you. Their life experiences inspire me to write. When I talk to people heart-to-heart, I realize how similar we are in some ways and that we are all going through our own battles.

So while some poets get ideas from staring at the sun, roaming around the city and smelling the sea breeze. (Don’t get me wrong, that’s really great too and I also do that sometimes, but mostly) I get ideas and inspiration from people.

So I write not because I want to be famous. Not because I want fortune or any material thing. I write because the voices in my head are telling me to reach out. I write because they tell me that there may be others who are experiencing hardships and battles similar to mine and to the people I’ve talked to. I write so that when they read my works, they won’t feel so alone. I believe that it’s probably my Purpose. I carried on, people I knew carried on, and therefore, they can too.

That’s probably the most cliche thing you’ve read all day, right? Haha. But that’s all true, and I don’t know any other way to say it. So, do expect more works to come from me. I will keep writing for as long as I can.

So, how about you? How are you doing with your life? Have you fought unimaginable battles too? Don’t be afraid. Reach out. Talk to someone. (You can always talk to me, just see my Contact page) Or better yet, write your own blog. You can paste your link in my comment section and I will find time to read your works. I promise.

Anything will do, just follow the voices inside of you.

So, what are the voices inside your head telling you?