A Learned Behavior

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I was drowning in morphine
It was getting darker and dusk was taking me away
I can’t control what I think,
Or control what I feel
But I can control what I say

And I’ve said nothing at all.

Sometimes the lies holds more morals than the truth
But I don’t want to lie to you
I just don’t want to tell everything,
Only the one’s you can chew

There’s just some things I refuse to feel
But I don’t need a savior
You call me desensitized
I say it’s just a ‘learned behavior’

But in the end, I do feel, and I wish I felt nothing at all

Maybe because I’m afraid of the fall,
I fell several times but nothing prepares you for the comedown
So why should I expect anything less now,
Only to see a letdown?

But they say there’s beauty in the fall,

My vision gets knocked, and my chest bruised
Right now, the only vision that remains  is the vision of you
If anything is beautiful at all, it’s all your fault
So I blame you

But I was told to tread lightly
Not everything that glitters is gold,
But if at times it is, and gold doesn’t rust
Are you finally that someone whom I can trust?

There’s no safety in that gamble.
No guides or precautions, no preamble.

But maybe I dont need to be safe
Cause maybe I don’t run on blood but adrenaline
And I don’t want to be held back or do nothing,
So I have to go all-in.

But will you light me afire if I was gasoline?

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The Joker’s Disease

 

So am I crazy?
Maybe so, I don’t know

I like to start last so I can grab you from behind
The psychopathic tendencies
of a well-endowed mind

You think I’m crazy?
Maybe so, I think so too
I made unnecessary quips like you wanted me to do

In sickness and in health
But all I know is the sickness
For richer or for poor,
But all I have are these visions

Do I look crazy?
Maybe so, can’t you see?
I’m the unnecessary joke like you wanted me to be.

Is this affection?
This unorthodox connection?
Well, It’s not of my intention
I don’t want to cause affliction

Am I crazy?
Maybe so, just like you
I made unnecessary tricks like you wanted me to do.

If you don’t want me anywhere around,
All you have to do is say,
If you don’t want to hear my sound,
Then tell me, I guess, it’s okay

Aren’t you scared of what you’re about to find?
And you told me that you mind
Have I found my Harley Quinn?
Or just someone I’m not akin

-The DementED

You may also want to check out my previous poem: Savior Syndrome

Connected

Savior Syndrome

You’re a time bomb
With a switched off ticker
You’re a loaded gun
But nobody wants to pull the trigger

You act like you’re a savior
But at best, you’re mediocre
An unnecessary Batman
To a non-existent Joker

You say you can save me
But you’re the one that needs saving
You talk like a saint
But you’re often misbehaving

Im not saying I dont need to be saved
Maybe I do,
But if anyone could, I know it’s not you
Before you try to save me,
Save yourself.

-The DementED

Sometimes, the simplest sounding poems may mean more than what your common sense dictates . 🙂

You might also want to check out: A Maiden’s Affliction

Photo credit: Kaleo Li of Pinterest

Withered Past, Blurry Purpose

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Credits to derlevi

Ever since I was a kid
I’ve always really wondered
What is my purpose?
I often loudly blundered

I always thought that to love
Is what I need to do,
Find myself a partner
And love her oh so true

But then I met this girl
She only broke my world
It left me inconsolable
My open heart curled

And so I thought
Maybe to work is my goal
Strive hard daily
And wait for my payroll

But after the daily grind
Of trying to reach my goal
It left my body stressed
And exhausted up my soul

So I was left wondering
What am I to do?
When I’ve tried everything
And still left without clue

Perhaps figuring out my purpose
Is a purpose in itself
Reach out to the world
And not hide in a shelf

Giving service can be a start
Spread the goodness in people’s heart
Or have passion in everything
So even work won’t be boring

But then again,
I still have lots of woes
So many problems left to fix
And issues left to close

And dealing with my demons
Right now, is priority
So until then
My purpose remains blurry

-The DementED

This is in response to the Daily Prompt:

Purpose

A Date with the Dead

I have always wondered
If I could talk to the dead
Should I talk to the famous
Or to you instead?

I know you’re still breathing
And you still have a pulse
But are you really living,
when it’s everyone you repulse

Oh but I forgot,
I’m dead inside too,
I’m always alone
the same way as you

But unlike you,
I haven’t lost hope,
I don’t constantly choke
my neck with a rope

I have scars on my heart
You have more on your wrist
I have my palms open
But you have a closed fist

You barely even eat
You take pills just to slumber
And a love for yourself
you can’t even foster

But you see,
I just want to aid
I wish I could stop
your use of the blade

But I cant understand
cause you wont let me in
You throw my concerns
straight down to the bin

No I’m not saying
I know better than you,
But all I want
is a table for two

You pour your heart out
And I’ll spill my guts
We’ll tell all our tales
No matter how nuts

But since you already said,
that you’d rather be dead,
I’ll just keep on waiting
with anxiety and dread.

– The DementED

You might also wanna see a related poem: A Maiden’s Affliction, Hopeless, Not Romantic
Unconventional Love

A Pluviophile’s Paradise – An Ode to Rainy Season

I hear them say rain, rain go away
The little children want to play
But I’m a pluviophile so let it rain
And let it wash away my pain

After everyone rained on my parade
Pluvial season finally came to aid
So bid farewell to the sizzling sun
Summer season has come and gone

After the mess was left by summer
Rain is here to clean the clutter,
Also to fix my burns and woes,
with soothing puddles on my toes

I don’t need to hide from its breeze,
for it is worthwhile even if I sneeze
And when it pours, I’d like to play
And let it mend my disarray

There’s just something about rain that makes me calm,
Gets rid of my worries and sweaty palms
Gives me tranquility and peace of mind,
A perfect escape from the daily grind

And every drop is a work of art
It replenishes my tired heart
Its pitter-patter, a lovely song
Makes me feel that I belong

So rain, rain, please don’t go
You’re clearly a friend, not a foe
And though your touch is as cold as ice,
You are this pluviophile’s paradise

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